Different starting point

where did i start,
at which point?
where is the craddle of my lunacy,
where am i to find my destiny, my beginning, my end?
i hear heavenly voices telling me the way,
but where are they?
where am i right now?
i started living my life until the end, the eternity behind
the rest of my life with you, together
i am a mess, the despicable remains of what was once a human being,
loveless, empty, a neverness of feelings not felt
i now drown in my feathers, my pillow, my only support.
is this forever or just until the end?
i can get rest, cant imagine a good path.
my life, a hard story, feeling like this
is my life